


I Ache For You

by senbazuru



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, USUK - Freeform, mild angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:27:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senbazuru/pseuds/senbazuru
Summary: Arthur has no idea his best friend is in love with him. It doesn't seem fair on either of them really, but Alfred can't help how he feels. He's been hiding his heavy heart away.When Arthur learns the truth about Alfred's long-harboured feelings, about his less than pure intentions, how will he try to fix things? How far is he willing to go in order to soothe that ache?//Now available in Russian//





	I Ache For You

 Thank you very much to ExistedCake for putting in the hard work to create a Russian translation - you can enjoy it [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/7130463).

 

 

  
Alfred's stomach was simmering with nerves as he busied himself in the kitchen. He stirred a too large pan of chilli on the stove, and after tasting a small amount on the tip of the spoon he went ahead and added a little more spice, because he knew of a certain Englishman who liked it extra hot.

Arthur was due to come over any minute, and he was feeling uncharacteristically tense about it. In fact, in a way that was kind of the whole reason behind this impromptu Friday night visit.

They'd known each other for almost seven years - a completely chance encounter at their Boston university within the very first week cementing a friendship that had lasted them all the way through to graduation, and now several years beyond.

At the time, Alfred had first been intrigued by that quirky accent and weird turn of phrase, and then even more so by that curious and admittedly charming mix of high intellect and complete obliviousness. Likewise, Arthur would later admit that he'd been instantly won over by Alfred's infectious and boundless enthusiasm, and honestly had just been so relieved when someone wasn't immediately put off upon discovering his many flaws.

They'd evolved into best friends so quickly and so naturally that all of their memories from that precious time were irrevocably intertwined, a time when life seemed a little more free and easy, and anything was possible. They'd met when they were both eighteen, but somehow it felt like the pair had grown up together, and in some ways that was probably true.

Now, both settled into promising careers within that very same city in which they'd met, Arthur and Alfred were still a major part of each other's lives. Or at least they'd tried to be. And this, Alfred knew, was the underlying subject on the agenda for that evening.

The doorbell buzzed at him from the end of the narrow, mosaic tiled hall just visible from where he stood in his compact little kitchen, and Alfred tapped the spoon twice against the side of the pan before setting it down to go and answer its call. He took a steadying breath as he pushed his wireframe glasses up on the bridge of his nose, before twisting the squeaky latch on his rented townhouse door.

"Alright?" Arthur greeted somewhat rhetorically as he turned from facing the road, flicking the remnants of a small hand-rolled cigarette into the rather unkempt privet hedge off to the side of the stoop. The shorter man had to reach up slightly to swing an arm around him in a hug, his black leather jacket creaking with his movements as Alfred suppressed a flinch and tried not to breathe in too deeply. He did however manage a flimsy smile as he opened the door a little wider, ushering his visitor inside.

"I brought beer" Arthur spoke over his shoulder as he made his way into the kitchen, opening the fridge and moving things around a bit to accommodate the extra bottles. He took out a couple of cans that had already been chilling and set them on the counter. "I would've brought wine since you're cooking, but I didn't know wether to get red or white. Mmm- that smells nice though" he peered into the gently bubbling saucepan.

Alfred leaned against the doorframe and smiled a little more genuinely this time, feeling some of his nervousness melt away as he watched his old friend make himself at home. It was a bittersweet feeling, how casual and unguarded Arthur could be in his presence.

"You're quiet" Arthur eyed him suspiciously as he closed the refrigerator door "everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" he chuckled weakly, pushing himself off the wall and taking a seat at the small kitchen table "I'm just a bit tired, you know how it is."

"Ugh, tell me about it. I'm bloody knackered" Arthur scrubbed his fingers across his face and into his messy hair. "But I'm glad we could finally find some time to get together" he said pointedly, looking Alfred directly in the eye.

"Me too" Alfred shifted his line of sight "shall we crack these open?" he gestured towards the beers.

The presentation of the chilli was a little slapdash; with droplets of dark red sauce splattered clumsily around the brim of each of the shallow bowls, stray pieces of beef and kidney beans already boldly infiltrating the mounds of plain white rice. But against all odds Alfred was actually a pretty decent cook, and so the food tasted good even if it looked a little messy.

They sat across from each other, eating with spoons and drinking beer from the bottle just like they had when they were students. Arthur moaned about how busy it was at the publishers where he worked, his left eyebrow quirking one minute and his lips pouting the next as he bitched about his unreasonably needy clients. Alfred commiserated but claimed to have it worse - it was his own overbearing boss at his high-ranking tech company that was giving him all of the grief.

They'd spent many hours like this just the two of them, almost to the detriment of their relationships with others and the wider social circles that everyone else had seemed to crave. They'd always been a team; even after graduating people still routinely greeted Alfred by asking the whereabouts of Arthur, as if it were strange that they should ever be seen apart.

And Alfred had really liked that. He liked that there was someone who knew him inside out, that could supply a second opinion to his every thought or experience. He'd liked acting as the buffer between Arthur's idiosyncrasies and the clueless outside world, the expert to be consulted on all things Kirkland related. He'd liked the feeling of having someone rely on him, it made him feel like he was valued and it pushed him to make himself better.

Arthur in turn had always been his biggest advocate. Since the beginning he'd been there to point out that he was already good enough, talented and clever in ways that he shouldn't dismiss so easily. He was funny with it too, wry and sometimes sarcastic in the ways he built Alfred up and then playfully brought him back down, making him laugh his way through his problems when otherwise he'd just have been morose. But Alfred had never doubted his sincerity.

For the longest time now, Arthur was who Alfred thought of whenever something happened, good or bad, and he was the one person he knew he could rely on to understand. They had a deeply shared history, private jokes and their own kind of shorthand which drove other people crazy.

And tonight, the conversation ebbed and flowed like it always did, hums of agreement and titters of laughter sprinkled liberally throughout. But unlike the many easygoing days and companionable nights that had come before, now there was an elephant in the room and even as they finished up their meal, still the subtext had remained unspoken.

"So" Arthur began, his tone finally deviating into more serious territory as he pushed his empty bowl away "you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me?"

Alfred looked up into his eyes despite himself; they were so very green and so quietly insistent that he just couldn't hold his gaze. He'd known this topic was inevitable, but still it made him panic.

"I'm not" He managed to lie rather smoothly considering, standing up to clear the table and putting the dirty dishes into the sink.

"Alfred" Arthur monotoned.

Alfred sighed with his back to his guest, and briefly turned the tap on to swish cold water over the stacks of washing up.

"I've just been real busy, that's all"

"And that's bollocks" Arthur contested easily "we've managed up until now - even in college with all those books to read and exams to study for, we always made it a point. And will you _please_ come and talk to me properly" he leaned out from his still seated position to lightly tug on Alfred's forearm.

Broad shoulders sagged as Alfred took his time to dry his hands on the scruffy little towel that hung from the cupboard door, willing the tightness in his throat to dissipate. He'd missed talking properly to Arthur, missed his snarky comments and the affectionate way in which he'd prod and push Alfred to explain himself in ways that no one else ever could. He missed catching his eye, sparkling with wit and sharing a knowing look. He missed the herbal fragrance of the cologne that Arthur wore, in an attempt to cover up the fact that he still smoked.

And now here they were, together, and yet Alfred could hardly bear to look at him as he dutifully returned to the table like he'd been asked.

"I know you Alfred, and I can tell when you're being off. Lately you've been dodging all my calls and sending just the bare minimum of responses via text, and I pretty much had to demand to come over tonight. I mean, normally if I've done something to piss you off you at least come out and say it."

"You haven't done anything-"

"Then what is it? Alfred, you know if there's something bothering you I'll listen, you can talk to me about anything. Hell, back in college we used to sit up all night discussing our problems - I told you all that shitty stuff with my family, and you were open about your self esteem issues. What could possibly be harder to..." he trailed off before he ducked his head to look up into Alfred's eyes. "Christ, it's not your health is it?" and Arthur had subconsciously reached his hand out across the table, concern etching uneasily onto his face.

"It's not that" Alfred instinctively moved to cover Arthur's hand with his own, but thinking better of it he stopped just short before they touched, instead trying to school his expression into one of reassurance. "I promise, I'm fine."

"But you're obviously not" Arthur frowned.

"I've just," he looked down at his hand now resting on the table, fingers moving idly to fidget with a few stray grains of rice that had managed to escape from his meal "I've just had a lot on my mind."

"Then tell me what's going on" Arthur implored him with a cautious smile of encouragement, "if I have to invite myself over every day-" he caught Alfred's wince at the very idea and sat back heavily in his chair, a look of hurt and confusion pinching at his eyes. "Right."

"Oh, Arthur don't be like-"

"Be like what?" he snapped "pissed off you don't trust me enough after however many years we've known each other? Or perhaps that for some reason the mere idea of spending time with me makes you feel uncomfortable?"

Alfred bowed his head, this was exactly what he'd been afraid of.

"We're supposed to be best friends" Arthur continued, his voice having lost all of its bite and sounding rather meek, a tone that didn't suit him. "I can help."

"Believe me, you can't" Alfred all but mumbled into his chest "You're the last person I could go to."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he muttered in return, his brow deeply furrowed in frankly well-founded offence.

"I didn't mean it like that. Look, it's not your fault, it's mine."

"Are you seriously pulling that 'It's not you, its me' bullshit?" Arthur scoffed, unaware of how truly close to the mark he was getting.

Alfred groaned and hid his face in his hands. He would give anything not to be having this conversation right now, he wasn't ready. He didn't have the extensive grasp of language that Arthur possessed, he didn't know the right words to articulate himself, to give himself at least a fighting chance. He wasn't ready to lose his most important person quite yet, but with this current trajectory there stood a very real chance of that happening, whether he told the truth or not. He was well and truly fucked either way.

"I like you Arthur."

"Well" Arthur huffed "I should think so."

"No" Alfred dropped his hands from his face in exasperation "Jesus Art, you're so dense sometimes. I mean I _like_ you" he swallowed thickly. "I have feelings for you. As in, romantic feelings. For you."

Alfred watched helplessly as the cogs turned in Arthur's mind, as the minutes and seconds ticked away until the inevitable end of their time together. He studied his features; his wide eyes, the slight flush to his cheeks and his head fractionally tilted to one side as he attempted to process the information. This was probably what people meant when they described the sensation of time standing still, the only sound the constant humming of the old refrigerator and the rushing of blood in Alfred's own ears.

"I see" Arthur spoke carefully after clearing his throat, their eyes meeting for just a second before they both quickly looked away. Alfred's stomach tightened.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"N-no, don't apologise" Arthur stammered, that damned ingrained politeness of his taking over even as the heat continued to intensify on his cheekbones. "It's just, ah... are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure" Alfred felt a momentary burst of frustration before quickly settling himself down again, "do you really think we'd be having this conversation if I wasn't?"

"Fair point" Arthur conceded primly.

Again the kitchen descended into an uneasy silence, and Alfred vaguely wondered if this taciturn state would soon become their new normal. And it was at that passing thought, and at the dawning realisation that he'd actually come out and said it - told Arthur the truth and there was no taking his garbled words back, that the reality of the situation really began to sink in. Arthur knew.

He'd thought about this particular sequence of events a little too much, had literally dreamed about it. But at no point, favourable outcome or not, had he factored in the awkward stillness that seemed to have ensued, how hyper aware of their breathing he would become. He couldn't have known it was possible to feel both simultaneously unburdened with relief, and pinned to the spot by the sheer debilitating weight of his anxiety. It was ironic really, because this was exactly the kind of crisis of inner turmoil that Arthur had spent the last seven years patiently coaching him through. He was the one person proficient enough to help him deal with something so incredibly important and life altering.

"How long?" Arthur finally spoke, clearly also having been lost in his own winding maze of thoughts "I didn't even know you were..." he gestured to Alfred with a few rolls of his wrist, wordlessly filling in.

"Gay?" Alfred questioned, although he'd known what he'd been getting at "or maybe bi I guess, I'm not sure" he rubbed at the back of his neck. "But yeah, a long time" he breathed out "a really long time."

Arthur didn't seem able to provide him much in the way of feedback, apart from the mutual avoidance of lasting eye contact and the way he sat there rather stilted, absently picking at the label on his beer bottle as an obvious outlet for stress. But Alfred refused to let the reticence creep over them again.

"I honestly didn't mean to keep secrets" he persevered "I thought - tried so hard to ignore it" he closed his eyes briefly, as he unwillingly recalled the many shades of pain that particular tactic had brought him. "But it never really went away."

Arthur looked at him properly for the first time in several minutes, sympathy causing his features to soften and his lips to fall open as he tried unsuccessfully to speak. And Alfred didn't want his pity, but now it seemed that the floodgates had been opened, and he found himself talking with no care for his dignity or any future repercussions he might face.

"It's stupid" he laughed bitterly "it was always better when you were with someone. I always figured as long as you were happy, as long as I didn't have a chance, I could accept it" he frowned. "But then when you and Chelle broke up..."

"Oh god" Arthur covered his eyes and groaned, showing the strongest form of emotion outside of abject shock since the revelatory bombshell had been dropped "Alfred, you let me talk your bloody ear off and cry on your shoulder about all of that for weeks. Why didn't you just tell me to shut up?"

"Because you needed a friend. And I love you" he tacked on softly.

Arthur simply stared at him, and Alfred pressed his lips into a line as he steadily returned his gaze. They retained eye contact even as Arthur reached into the breast pocket of his white button down shirt, only breaking when he looked down to light a thin cigarette with a noticeably shaking hand. Normally Alfred didn't like for people to smoke inside his house, but as current circumstances were, he thought it only fair.

He took a long drag and exhaled to the side, the wispy cloud of smoke floating over his shoulder and away from Alfred's direction. He tapped a small amount of ash into the neck of his empty bottle, rolling the cigarette a few times between his fingers before looking back up at Alfred.

"Thank you" he spoke quietly "and I'm sorry I did that."

"You didn't know."

"But I'm still sorry" he looked at his hands again.

"I didn't tell you all this time because I know what you're like, and I didn't want you to feel guilty. I didn't want you to hate me."

"Alfred, I don't hate you-"

"But you don't love me" he tried not to sound too accusing, not to look so utterly crestfallen.

"I..." Arthur started "Alfred, you do know I'm not gay?"

"I guess" he shrugged sullenly "but well, there was that time in college, when you and Francis dated-"

"We weren't dating!" Arthur spluttered, dropping his half finished cigarette into the beer bottle and moving it off to the side. "We kissed a few times at Gil's parties, but that was it" he clarified gruffly.

Alfred remembered how wild those parties would get, so he'd kind of already known that it hadn't really meant anything. Still, even back then his reveller's mood had drastically fallen when he'd seen Arthur letting that self-assured Frenchman's hands roam all over him, and it had taken him an embarrassingly long time after that to figure out exactly why he'd felt that way.

"So then, this is the reason you've been so distant lately" Arthur voiced, mostly to himself than directed as a question.

"Yup" Alfred affirmed anyway, sipping at the last of his beer. "And," he added sadly "I think it might be for the best."

"What?" Arthur snapped out of his trance, bracing his palms on the table "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"I mean" Alfred grimaced "the last thing I wanna do is lose you Arthur, but I think I'm gonna have to disappear for a while. Not forever, just, for a while."

"No" Arthur shook his head in disbelief, standing up and causing the chair to screech against the linoleum floor. "Absolutely not. You can't. Alfred, we can work this out. You'll get over it."

"Maybe I don't wanna get over it!" He stood too, raising his volume over Arthur's.

They glared at each other, until Alfred grunted with irritation and stalked over to the sink to fill a glass. He downed the water in one, but remained with his back to the room, staring intensely out of the window with his jaw clenched and his nails digging into his palms.

"Hey" Arthur soothed, coming up behind him and laying a tentative hand upon his shoulder. "I'm sorry, please don't get upset" and Alfred could feel the heat of his touch through the fabric of his t-shirt.

"I can't help it" he fought to keep his tone from wavering "but can't you see? You're making it worse" he turned slowly, and smiled dolefully at the distress on Arthur's face "I know you don't mean to, but staying so close to you, having you try to comfort me... it's too hard. It hurts."

"Alfred..."

"I can't do this anymore" he murmured as he attempted to brush his way past.

"Alfred please!" Arthur panicked, his voice coming out unusually high and strangled as he grabbed on to Alfred's elbow to stop him from walking away. "Don't shut me out. I'm sorry" he apologised again as he clung on tighter "please let me help, I'll do anything. Alfred you know I'd do anything for you."

It was too much. Alfred could feel the anger and pent up frustration reaching a boiling point within himself, the internalised pressure that'd been building up far longer than was healthy. There was only so much he could take.

"Anything?" He demanded as he pushed Arthur harshly against the counter, hemming him in with his arms on either side. "You'll do _anything_ for me?" he said darkly, continuing to crowd into his personal space. "Would you let me kiss you?" he whispered against his ear. "Would you let me touch you, and be with you? To get you out of my system once and for all?"

Alfred breathed heavily against Arthur's neck, and he felt his heart working overtime pumping adrenaline around in his bloodstream. It was cruel of him to take it out on his best friend like this, he knew, but he'd already beaten himself up over it so many times before.

He heard Arthur swallow nervously, and he sighed, beginning to draw away and belatedly do the right thing. To remove himself from the whole situation.

"Okay" Arthur breathed, stopping him in his tracks.

Alfred held the air in his lungs, cautiously stepping back as if retreating from a dangerous animal.

"If that's what it takes. If you want to kiss me, to spend the night together then so be it. If that’s what you need. Maybe then you'll realise I'm not worth all this angst you're putting yourself through."

"Now hold on, I was just - you don't mean that" Alfred rasped, searching Arthur's face for tells as he purposely averted his eyes.

"I said it didn't I?" Arthur crossed his arms, blushing heavily, but still looking far too proper for the things he'd been proposing.

"... Because, I mean something like that's just gonna make you hate me even more-"

"Alfred Franklin Jones! For the last time I do not hate you, you absolute tosser!" Arthur roared, fixing him with an irate stare.

Alfred couldn't help as a fond snort of laughter forced its way out unchecked, echoing against the silence and the partially tiled walls of his tiny kitchen.

"Oh, shut up" Arthur grumbled, although there wasn't any heat behind his tone. He exhaled and leaned back against the counter, picking up a small jar of chilli powder and turning it over in his hands, somehow finding this an appropriate time to become fascinated by the contents of the label. "Look, you know as well as I do that I've had some bloody awful relationships” and he drummed a nervous rhythm on the lid of the jar with the pads of his fingers before he continued. “Sometimes I didn't even particularly like them as people, I just sort of went along with it all despite knowing it wasn't going to last. But, I suppose for whatever reason _you're_ my favourite person Alfred, and although I didn't always care enough about them, I actually do give a shit what you think. I really meant it when I said that I'd do anything for you."

“But this... Arthur, I don’t think you get it, the way I feel about you. The things I’d want to do” Alfred swallowed harshly, his eyes pleading for Arthur to extrapolate as he pictured the two of them together “it’s a little more than just hand holding and cuddles.”

“You want to fuck” Arthur gestured at him with the chilli powder, and though his eyes were heavy with understanding his voice sounded matter of fact and maybe even a little clinical about the whole thing, but even so Alfred could tell it wasn’t because he was upset with him. Leave it to Arthur to be both implicit and blunt all at once.

“W-well, I mean I wouldn’t have put it like that. It makes it sound so - y’know? And I’d want you to be comfortable with everything, and-“

“Alfred, Do you trust me?”

“Of course” he replied, without really having to think about it.

“Then you’ll have to trust when I say that I can do this much. Because I trust you” he became fixated on the jar again “this’ll just be one more thing that we trust each other with.”

Emotion welled in Alfred’s chest as he regarded his best friend, the man he'd known for most of his adult life, who suddenly looked so small and yet somehow still so capable. He wanted to say so much, to hear Arthur tell him exactly _why_ he was his favourite person - what is it you like about me, because I swear I can do that more. But, to receive his blind trust like that, was both a blessing and a curse.

Alfred reached out and took the jar from Arthur's hand, gently setting it down on the countertop before situating himself right in front of him. He brushed the hair out of Arthur's eyes, tilting his head to the side almost serenely when he finally looked up to acknowledge him.

"I'm gonna kiss you now. So feel free to push me away."

Alfred dipped his head, both of his large rough hands rising to tenderly cup Arthur's face, his thumbs smoothing over the pale jut of his cheekbones as he focused on parted lips. Arthur's eyelids were now lowered almost closed, his dark brown lashes shyly fluttering as their noses faintly brushed together and Alfred audibly swallowed.

He angled his neck a little further, barely grazing Arthur's lips before pressing the smallest of kisses against them. The soft airy sounds it made echoed loudly in his ears as he slowly repeated the gesture, making sure to keep his hooded eyes open so he could continue to study Arthur's face. And he could feel his warm breath hitching and ghosting across his own cheek, their faces so close they were inhaling each other's air.

Alfred opened his jaw a little wider, dragging his trembling bottom lip up over Arthur's, the delicate skin catching slightly as he closed his mouth again.

This felt like a very first kiss; the trepidation, the novelty and awe mixing in his brain to release a cocktail of euphoric chemicals worthy of the most inexperienced and virginal of teenagers. It was a well worn cliche, but he truly felt as if he were in a lucid dream, the type so beautiful and fulfilling that it would surely leave him broken and despondent when he eventually woke.

Alfred tilted his head to the other side, his thumbs sliding to caress just behind Arthur's ears as he guided their lips together again, this time gently nudging with his tongue. Arthur gasped in the back of his throat, his mouth falling open in surprise, and Alfred's eyes snapped up to Arthur's in hopes of judging his reaction. And in that moment, as those all too familiar green irises readjusted their focus, he felt the needy throb of an electric pulse radiate throughout his body.

He pressed forward with all of his weight, bringing their hips and stomachs flush together as he urgently threaded his fingers up into messy blond hair. He nipped and licked at Arthur's bottom lip hungrily, slipping his tongue into his mouth and tasting him greedily; the alcohol, the spice, the faint trace of smoke that should've been unappealing but only served to remind him of exactly who it was that he was kissing. He couldn't help but let out a low moan as his hands began to wonder of their own accord.

The instant that Arthur pushed at his chest Alfred backed away, the sound of their lips making a smacking noise as they were quickly wrenched apart.

"I'm sorry. Arthur, I'm so sorry. Shit!" He cursed at himself, pulling on clumps of his hair.

Arthur looked over at him almost in a daze, his long elegant fingers coming up to his face to absently brush at his lips.

"Man, I'm so stupid" Alfred wailed, whipping off his glasses to rub at his scrunched up eyes and furrowed brow.

"Alfred," Arthur tried to interject.

"A total fucking scumbag" he continued to berate himself.

"Alfred, it's fine!" Arthur raised his voice "I didn't change my mind about doing this! I just thought," he quieted abruptly as Alfred put his glasses back on to give him his full attention "if you didn't awfully mind, perhaps if we're going to continue this further, it should be somewhere a little more comfortable than being squashed against your kitchen cupboard."

Oh.

"Y-you want to do this now?!" Alfred gaped at him, because seriously this whole thing was moving insanely fast. Obviously he wanted it. God, did he want it so badly. But his mind was having trouble keeping up.

"No no, you're right" Arthur folded his arms across his chest, his eyebrow quirking in that telltale manner of his "let's both check our diaries and come up with a mutually convenient time slot. Bloody hell Alfred, this whole arrangement is crazy enough as it is."

Alfred could see his point, he was about to have sex with Arthur, not help him fill out his taxes.

"Okay" his voice crackled dryly. Holy shit, he was about to have sex with Arthur.

"Okay then" his agreement was repeated back to him, only now sounding just about as nervous.

"Here," Alfred opened the fridge, twisted the cap from one of the remaining bottles of beer and handed it to him. "Maybe you should... it might help. To relax. Only if you want" he rubbed the back of his neck rather awkwardly.

"Oh. Yes, thank you" Arthur accepted it and held the bottle against his chest looking equally self-conscious, almost as if he were being illicitly offered alcohol for the very first time. The sight appeared sweetly innocent, and it made Alfred want to hug him and kiss him on the forehead. "Are you not having another one too?"

"Uh, no" Alfred shrugged his shoulder, feeling a slight heat creeping onto his face "I'd rather, y'know, be fully aware. I want to remember everything."

"Tch, you're such a sap" Arthur rolled his eyes, but it looked like he'd started blushing too. "Well, bottoms up" he raised his drink, faltering at the expression of disbelief that twitched on Alfred's face. "Shut up" Arthur snipped.

He took a long sip from the beer, and Alfred watched as his swollen lips formed a seal around the bottle, the way his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he drank, and then as his tongue peeked out at the corner of his mouth once he'd swallowed. Alfred had to force himself to look away.

“S-so, how was it?” he directed his question towards the tall refrigerator door as he ran his fingers over the chrome of the handle for a distraction. “How was the kiss. For you I mean.” Alfred clarified awkwardly when he sensed Arthur’s eyes on his face.

“Oh, um, well it was...” Arthur trailed off as he considered his answer carefully. Alfred felt the urge to scuff the toe of his sneakers against the floor as he waited, and Jesus he’d regressed from a naive teen down to a bashful grade-schooler talking to his crush during recess. “It was nice.”

“Nice?” Alfred looked back at him as he pushed his glasses up his nose. Was that good? On the one hand, Alfred had  
practically seen fireworks and stars and all of that cliched crap when he’d finally gotten his chance at kissing Arthur, so ‘nice’ was a little underwhelming. But on the other, nice was a pretty positive adjective, it was much more preferable to gross or uncomfortable or _a terrible fucking mistake_. He could go with nice.  
  
“Yes, it...” Arthur was definitely blushing now “you’re a good kisser Alfred” he took a nervous sip.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm” Arthur confirmed softly, averting his eyes as he tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, and Alfred had to fight to contain his giddiness and squirming as he took Arthur’s praise to heart.

"Shall we..." he pointed up at the ceiling after they’d stood around in silence for a few beats too long. It seemed he wasn't very good at finishing sentences anymore, but as always, Arthur understood.

He simply nodded and Alfred struggled to remember how to walk, somehow leading them out into the hallway and up the set of slightly creaky stairs. He wanted to take him by the hand, or better yet carry him up there in his arms. But rationally he knew that was probably an ask too far, and something dark inside him unhelpfully reminded that in reality they weren't in fact a pair of lovers, and this wasn't a cheesy Hollywood romance. He refused to feel any negativity about that right now though, because this was still an act of love.

They reached his bedroom and shuffled inside, and as Alfred mentally gave the place a once over he silently thanked the relevant saints that he'd changed his bed sheets only a few days before.

Arthur was stood in front of the window, the early evening light casting his face in a golden shadow and a rather fitting halo affect filtering through his hair. It made Alfred's heart ache with affection, and the pedestal he'd built for his best friend only seemed to grow a little bit taller.

Arthur drank some more of his beer and silently observed as Alfred busied himself by turning on the bedside lamps and kicking a pair of sneakers into his closet and closing its open doors. The quiet was becoming a little nerve wracking, and expectation weighed heavily in the air.

"Agh! Can't you say something? Like, can't you make fun of my stupid choice of duvet cover?" he pointed down accusingly at the classic arcade era Mario design on his own admittedly childish bed linen "or how gross and messy my room is?"

"Is that what you're into?" Arthur quizzicality tilted his head "do you like being talked down to, or being called dirty names in bed?"

"What? No! No no no!" Alfred flailed his hands in denial, almost tripping and falling flat on his face when he stumbled over a towel he'd left on the floor. "That's not - I didn't mean it like that-"

"Pfft" Arthur smirked "Alfred calm down, I was joking" he downed the rest of his beer and set the empty bottle on the window sill where it refracted the fading light like a green glass prism. "You know that's how I tend to deal with being excessively nervous" he wrung his hands. "But," Arthur looked at him seriously now "I can't promise this isn't going to be weird and awkward. I don't really know what I'm doing. And, it's you..." he grew quieter, his eyes focussing down at the floor.

For all of his sarcasm and beleaguered remarks, Arthur suddenly looked rather vulnerable, and so for once Alfred let himself act upon his instincts and closed the distance to wrap him in his arms, curling his fingers over his shoulder blades and folding him into a hug. He could seriously get used to having all of this physical contact.

"Arthur, are you really okay with this?" He whispered into his hair. Because he almost didn't want to pose that crucial question, but his conscience wouldn't allow this, whatever it was, to continue without him first making completely sure.

"I am" Arthur confirmed with a nod, his chin lightly prodding Alfred's shoulder with the conviction of the movement. "As I said before, I hold you in much higher esteem than some of the one night stands I've had in the past."

Alfred whined at his reasoning, not entirely sure whether it was the mention of previous partners or the plain and simple pragmatism of the answer which bothered him the most.

"Sorry" Arthur corrected himself guiltily "I didn't mean it to sound quite so... like that" and hesitantly he circled his arms around Alfred's lower back. "I should probably make it clear, this isn’t only because I’m weak to your puppy dog expressions. Or because I’ll blindly want whatever makes you happy too. You're very special to me Alfred. Perhaps even the most important" he concluded thoughtfully almost to himself, Alfred merely holding him tighter as they stood in meaningful silence. "And what about you?" Arthur interrupted at length, shifting to look up at him "maybe you'll be the one to regret this later? Things are bound to be different afterwards."

"I won't. I've wanted this a long time."

"What if, what if it isn't any good?" Arthur flushed and hid his face again in embarrassment "Alfred, that's a lot of pressure..."

"Nah, don't worry" he soothed, resting his cheek on top of Arthur's head. "It's gonna be awesome whatever happens. We'll take it slow, and we can stop anytime you like. Promise" he began to leave kisses on his forehead, his temples and then down to claim his lips.

It was a strange, giddy feeling, suddenly being given permission to act upon all of the things he'd been hopelessly craving for years. And he found himself wanting to impress him.

His inquisitive hands explored Arthur's back, feeling along the sweeping trail of his spine and mapping the subtle contours and slender terrain of his waist and hips. He kissed Arthur deeply, dictating their movements for the most part, but deriving the sweetest of pleasures from when he could feel Arthur start to relax and try to kiss him back. If all of this had to end now, it was more than he could ever have asked for.

"Don't we need... stuff?" Arthur murmured when Alfred had moved on to his jaw.

"Yeah, um, I've got some lube in the nightstand, and well obviously I'll be wearing a condom."

"Oh" Arthur leaned away and bit his lip "so you'll be the one to um, you know, put it in..."

"Wuh, I mean, unless you want to-"

"No no," Arthur took a deep breath "this whole thing is about your fantasy, so i guess you should be able to do whatever you want."

"Oh fuck" Alfred groaned, pushing his nose against Arthur's neck and feeling a throb in his groin. "You really shouldn't say shit like that."

"Then tell me what you _want_ me to do" Arthur whispered, most likely unaware of how unintentionally sexy that sounded.

"God you're so perfect" he kissed his shoulder. "Lay down on the bed for me?" and he stepped back to watch as Arthur complied.

Alfred quickly pulled his own t-shirt off over his head and dropped it on the floor, readjusting his skewed glasses so he could keep his sights set on Arthur. The man in question was now lying half on the bed propping himself up on his elbows, chest slightly heaving with the nervous energy of his breaths.

Alfred licked his lips. How should he proceed? He literally had Arthur where he wanted him, but he'd come up with so many different scenarios over the years that he wasn't sure which one of them to choose. Should he play out the one where he pressed his weight over Arthur's back, to claim him and cover him entirely with his body? Did he want to have him in his lap, running his hands all over his skin as Arthur set his own pace?

Alfred shifted on his feet as he felt his burgeoning erection begin to press against the inside seam of his zipper; he was getting too far ahead of himself. Though one thing was for certain, he didn't want to rush this. Because, as he reasoned  
playfully in his mind, Arthur hadn't technically given him a time limit, so naturally he was going to try to drag their bedroom experience out for as long as possible.

Arthur quirked an eyebrow at his friend's subtle change in demeanour, his fingers fidgeting anxiously in the sheets as a bare-chested Alfred dropped to his knees at the end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" Arthur warily questioned.

"I'm gonna take off your shoes" he happily explained, lifting Arthur's foot from the floor, placing it on his thigh and beginning to untie the laces on his black leather ankle boots. "Then I'm gonna take off your clothes" Alfred hummed.

"Oh, w-well I can do that" Arthur sat up and reached for the collar of his shirt.

"Uh, no wait" Alfred grasped at Arthur's wrist "I kinda wanna do that" and maybe he'd have looked a little sheepish, if he wasn't so terribly bad at hiding his excitement at the prospect.

"Okay" Arthur nodded, easing himself back down to his previous position, his fingers nervously playing with the buttons on his cuffs.

Alfred tucked each sock back into its respective boot before placing them neatly off to the side, the grungy footwear now looking like the tidiest thing in the room. His fingers ran idly over the ankle, bridge and instep of Arthur's pale foot, its size slightly smaller and bone structure noticeably finer than his own, although he definitely knew better than to call them pretty out loud. He'd seen Arthur play what he liked to call football after all.

Arthur's foot suddenly twitched, and Alfred raised his line of sight up the length of his body to find a mildly strained expression marring his face.

"Sorry" he wiggled his toes "I suppose I'm a little ticklish."

"S'okay" Alfred smiled as he let the foot go, storing that information away for later use.

He climbed onto the bed and lay on his side next to Arthur, not quite touching but a lot closer than was normal between them, both of their legs now awkwardly dangling off the end of the mattress below the knee. Arthur slowly lowered himself down from his propped up position to lie flat on his back, his head turning after a moment to bring them face to face.

"Hey" Alfred murmured, to which Arthur merely rolled his eyes, the well worn reaction making him chuckle as he lifted a hand to stroke Arthur's cheek and jaw, gently guiding his chin to sweetly take his lips.

His fingertips grazed their way along the column of Arthur's throat, stopping at his loosened shirt collar to begin blindly unpicking the line of little white buttons that ran down the length of his chest.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes" Arthur whispered back against his lips, a rosy tint now creeping onto his cheeks.

Alfred settled back on one elbow to watch as he exposed Arthur's collarbone, his breath somehow feeling heavier in his lungs as each new inch of ivory skin was revealed. He could sense Arthur's eyes on his face as he continued down to uncover his stomach muscles, the tension almost unbearably high as Alfred purposely took his time. Then finally the last few buttons were released, and he smiled as Arthur spasmed when his fingers brushed over his navel.

"Ticklish here too?" he smirked, to which he received only a huff of air in reply.

He pushed the shirt open a little more, the thin white cotton pooling softly on the mattress around Arthur's torso, and Alfred noted how the skin here seemed even fairer, accentuating the contrast between his lean hips and the low rise waistband of his tight black jeans.

Arthur's breath was hitching as fingertips trailed up over the subtle lines of his stomach, his eyes falling closed and head tilting back slightly before Alfred traced around his nipple, a hiss of air drawing sharply through his teeth.

"Okay?" Alfred whispered, to which Arthur simply nodded this time.

Next Alfred pressed his lips to Arthur's collarbone, his thumb circling his chest again before he skimmed his hand down the curve of Arthur's ribs and side, feeling those taut muscles quiver beneath his fingers. Alfred inhaled his familiar scent and the glow of body heat that Arthur was emitting, his mind becoming increasingly more intoxicated with every subsequent breath. He lifted his head from where he'd been brushing his lips along the juncture between shoulder and neck, fully intent on witnessing the moment he brought his palm to a tentative rest over the top of Arthur's groin.

"This okay?" He spoke against his skin.

"Christ's sake Alfred, will you please stop asking me that?" he whined in embarrassment as he shielded his eyes with his hands.

"Will not" Alfred replied petulantly, a smile momentarily twitching across his lips.

But taking that as permission to continue Alfred shifted closer to bring his chest flush against Arthur's side, bare skin finally touching, splaying his large fingers over the front of his jeans and cupping him lightly through fine denim.

"Ah" Arthur gasped softly, his hands slipping from covering his eyes to tangle into his hair and his arms falling above him to rest against the sheets.

"That's good" Alfred murmured his encouragement "I want to hear your voice." He watched Arthur's jaw drop open as he continued to caress the outline of his dick, he watched his closed eyelids flutter and a crease appear between his brow. "Fuck, this is intense."

Alfred was more aroused than he'd ever been in his life - the sight of Arthur on his bed, half naked and willing to be touched was doing strange things to his own body. He was certain that this night would keep him in erotic masturbation material for many years to come.

His pulse was racing as he shifted, the mattress dipping and creaking whilst he moved to straddle Arthur's thighs, his hands and knees planted on either side as he took in the sight below him. Arthur was blushing heavily, his chest exposed and heaving, his arms above his head and eyes still bashfully closed. It was an image he wanted to burn into his memory.

"Stop staring" Arthur chastised, peeking at him reproachfully before attempting to hide his flushed face in the crook of his still clothed shoulder. The gesture was equal parts cute and so sexy, and again no doubt wholly unintentional, that Alfred wasn't sure whether he should laugh or cry at the unfairness of it all.

"Sorry" he settled on "just, Arthur you look so..." he faltered, realising how soft and painfully honest his voice must have come across.

Arthur turned his head back to look up at Alfred fully, their eyes connecting properly for the first time since they’d made it to the bed; worries, questions and reassuring answers flowing between them without the need for words.

Because this was Arthur after all, he knew everything there was to know about Alfred. Or, at least he had at one point, until Alfred had started to conceal his lovesick thoughts and inappropriate urges, hiding them away in the back of his skull like some kind of shameful hoarder. But now Alfred had finally come clean, and once again his best friend bore witness to the entirety of his soul. And still Arthur was right there with him.

"Thank you" Alfred blurted, and it was uncertain if he was thanking him for staying, for always having been there, or for offering himself up. But as usual Arthur seemed to get the gist, sliding a soothing hand onto the back of his neck as Alfred brought their foreheads together. And holy fuck but he was _not_ about to cry, that was absolutely not happening right now.

"Hey" Arthur comforted "what happened to that sexy domineering swagger you had going on?"

"Sexy?" Alfred perked up.

"Oh, sod off" Arthur retorted through a smile, pinching the cartilage at the top of his ear for good measure.

"Ow ow ow!" Alfred laughed, pinning Arthur's wrist back down against the bed. "I get it, I'm sorry" he grinned, looking completely unrepentant "I'm sorry" he murmured again as he pecked at Arthur's lips. And it was crazy how natural and right it already felt to do so.

Alfred knelt back on his heels, eyeing the button and fly of Arthur's jeans with interest, his hands idly stroking their way from his thighs up towards his hips.

"You gotta tell me if you want to stop" Alfred paused to glance up into observant green eyes.

"I know"

"I mean it" he followed seriously "the thought of doing anything you don't want-"

"I know" Arthur repeated simply. "I promise I'll say something. Now just get on with it will you, bloody hell, I never imagined you'd be so slow when I agreed to this."

"Mmn, patience darlin'" Alfred drawled, taking immense delight at the subsequent flush that returned to Arthur's face. How interesting.

He held his breath as he reached for Arthur's waistband, his fingers trembling despite his bravado as he unhooked the button and drew down the zipper, thus revealing another, softer layer of fabric underneath.

"Black huh?" Alfred hid his desire with mock disappointment, "kinda predictable."

"Ah, apologies" Arthur snarked in return "if I'd have known you’d be undressing me, I would've put on something a little kinkier this morning."

"Jesus" Alfred gulped, and this time they were both reduced to wide eyed blushing as the imagery of the statement sank in. "This guy's try'na kill me I swear" he shook his head and muttered to himself, before getting off the bed again to roughly tug the tight jeans down Arthur's legs.

And so there he was once more, captivated by another sight of Arthur in a state of undress - snug black silk boxer briefs and and an open white cotton shirt, all framed by the sheets of Alfred's own bed. He felt like crossing his heart. But instead, he decided to be more productive and clumsily divested himself of his own baggier pair of blue jeans, kicking them off to the side to tangle into a pile along with Arthur's.

"Captain America boxer shorts? Talk about predictable."

"Okay, could you go back to being embarrassed?" Alfred requested flatly.

But then he was grinning, practically beaming - because this whole thing was just so them. The back and forth, the teasing and sarcasm, all with a solid understanding of fondness and deep companionship. It was good to know that they could still manage it, even like this, stripped to their underwear and about to do something stupid.

He crawled back over Arthur, lowering himself flush against the body below him, one of his knees planted firmly between Arthur's legs.

"Remember, if you want to stop-"

"For crying out loud" Arthur rolled his eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, pulling him down harshly by the shoulders and joining their lips in a kiss.

Alfred's heart lurched before he was moaning into his best friend's mouth. So did this mean that Arthur was impatient in bed? Did he like it rough? He guessed he was about to find out. And that particular line of thinking had Alfred canting his groin against Arthur's hip, the very first contact with his growing erection sending a flicker of heat throughout his bloodstream. And okay, so now maybe Alfred was the one who was starting to get impatient.

He shifted to mouth wet kisses against Arthur's jaw, his hand working its way down to slip into the front of those fitted boxer briefs. They both gasped as Alfred gently took ahold of Arthur's cock, his large fingers fitting firmly around his length and just holding him in his hand.

Alfred propped himself up, steadying his position with his forearm above Arthur's head, Just so he could switch between looking down at his face and over at his own occupied hand where it disappeared inside Arthur's underwear. He stroked his thumb in a gentle caress along the shaft, marvelling at the way that Arthur was arching slightly underneath him, his fingers and toes alternately scrunching.

"Have, have you done this before? With another man I mean?" Arthur breathed heavily, his eyes still tightly closed.

"Um, just a couple of times yeah" Alfred left it at that. His last encounter had been arranged through an online hookup site; the guy had been British, and although he hadn't looked a thing like Arthur, his voice alone had been enough to help Alfred come. That had been a considerable while ago though, the feelings of shame and regret having tarnished the whole experience, the guilt of pretending he'd been doing those things with his best friend had eaten him up inside for the longest time.

But tonight he had the real thing, and now everyone else seemed to pale in comparison. He was giving a slow, teasing handjob to Arthur Kirkland, and as long as this could continue there'd be nothing that would possibly bring him down. He was going to make the most of this gift.

"We should - I'll get us off first" Alfred tried not to stammer "it'll be better that way, I mean" he babbled, still gently pumping his fist and feeling the beginnings of a response beneath his fingers "um, you see, if you come before sex-"

"Alfred" Arthur hissed "I'm not exactly a virgin" looking for all intents and purposes like he was one, as his hips bucked and he held in a whine.

"Yeah, I know that" Alfred bit back a smile even though Arthur couldn't see him "I'm just saying, I need to prepare you anyway, and I probably wouldn't last otherwise. Seriously, you're just so goddamn hot" he twisted his wrist a little more energetically to illustrate, causing Arthur to let out a short sharp cry.

And Arthur was beginning to get hard in his hand, a notion that had Alfred's head spinning with the mere implication. It was Alfred who was making him feel good.

However, he knew this whole set up could be greatly improved by the introduction of some lube, and so he allowed Arthur the opportunity to catch his breath by removing his hand to reach into the bedside drawer to retrieve a small bottle, and then picking out a condom whilst he was at it.

And it was about that time, when his now full erection brushed lightly against Arthur's stomach as he moved to settle back over him, that Alfred decided that they'd definitely reached the point where all remaining items of clothing needed to be gone.

"Sit up for me" Alfred asked softly, barely giving Arthur the space he needed to do so, before sliding the shirt from his shoulders and tossing it onto the floor. "And back a bit" he helped Arthur shuffle and manoeuvre himself so that with a gentle hand pressed flat against his chest he lay down again. "Comfy?" Alfred asked from between his legs.

"Sure" Arthur ran his hands into the pillows beneath his head, and if they hadn't already agreed on much more exciting plans, Alfred could've gladly snuggled up to him and covered them over with the blankets.

Instead he slipped his index fingers into Arthur's waistband, slowly dragging them down to render him at last completely naked. His eyes naturally lingered between Arthur's long slender legs, taking in the subtle v-lines of his hips and the slightly darker blond of the small patch of hair. Arthur was a little bigger than Alfred remembered, from the few fleeting glances he'd accidentally caught during their college days. Although, Alfred reflected as he unconsciously licked his lips, he'd never seen Arthur with a semi before.

"Alfred?"

"Right. Right sorry" he shook his head, spurring himself into action by inelegantly pulling his own underwear off and quickly settling himself back between Arthur's legs, bottle of lube in hand and a determined glint in his eye.

" _Christ on a bike_ " Arthur muttered under his breath, and Alfred followed his apprehensive line of sight down to his own, rather more imposing erection.

"Don't worry," Alfred attempted to reassure with his hand gently fondling Arthur's knee. "We're gonna prep you first, it'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say" Arthur swallowed thickly, before looking up into concerned blue eyes. "No, it's just, this is all rather new for me. I've never..."

"I know" Alfred tried to quell his inappropriate happiness at the thought of being Arthur's first. "I'm gonna take care of you. Just, try to relax if you can."

"Okay" Arthur exhaled, closing his eyes as he allowed Alfred to guide his knees to bend and his thighs to spread apart. "Bloody hell this is embarrassing."

"If it makes you feel any better" Alfred rasped, the sight of Arthur's tight pink hole making his brain temporarily short circuit "you're so - I mean, god you look - I can't even..."

"A little better" Arthur quipped, before jolting his eyes open as Alfred ran an experimental finger down the cleft of his perineum.

"My bad" he chuckled sheepishly, throwing the small plastic bottle away to one side before going to work slicking his fingers, warming the clear odourless liquid inbetween his palms.

Alfred returned to coaxing Arthur into hardness, his hand moving a little bit faster now with the extra glide of the lubricant, the head of his cock receiving intermittent attention as he tightened his fist around the shaft. At the same time, he pressed the pad of his thumb tenderly against Arthur's entrance, allowing him to get used to the feeling of being touched there, rubbing in little circles each time that he shuddered or gasped.

"You're doing great" Alfred encouraged with a dryness to his throat "I'm gonna start stretching you now, so tell me if it hurts too much okay?"

"Mhm" Arthur bit his lip.

Keeping one hand moving on his length, Alfred gently eased the tip of his index finger against the dusky ring of muscle, pressing against the resistance and slipping it inside.

Arthur grunted in the back of his throat as Alfred gradually pushed in to the second knuckle, and he looked up to see an unmistakably discomforted expression creasing Arthur’s brow.

“It gets better I swear” Alfred reassured.

“Glad to hear it” he gritted out, and Alfred redoubled his efforts with his other hand to provide him a pleasant distraction.

Muzzled in the back of his mind, Alfred’s ravenous libido was attempting to scream at him. He was feeling the soft, warm pressure around his finger, trying not to think too hard about who this was and how good this felt, and how amazing it was _going_ to feel. It was only his concern and adoration for Arthur that was keeping him focused and slow.

“Just give me a minute” Alfred placated the both of them as he crooked his finger in a stroking motion, taking his time with spreading more of the glossy lube inside and searching for that one particular spot. “It should be right around-“

“Nghaa!” Arthur jerked violently, his hands scrabbling to grasp at the dark wooden rungs of the headboard, his thighs squeezing against Alfred’s wrist and in doing so inadvertently pushing him deeper. “Shit” he continued to gasp, staring wide eyed at Alfred, who in turn was biting the inside of his cheek to stave off his heightened arousal. “Was that? That was...”

“Uhuh” Alfred swallowed harshly as he returned his stare. “I told you it got better” and before the retort that was sure to come, he brushed his fingertip gently back over that same place, loving the way that Arthur arched and whined beneath his touch.

He could’ve spent hours listening to his noises of pleasured surprise, watching his puffy lips go from being caught between his teeth to drawing wide into a circle as he moaned.

“Feels good right?” Alfred asked hopefully against the inside of Arthur’s knee, as both of his hands worked in tandem.

“I’ve never - oh god, I’ve never felt anything quite like it” Arthur confessed through ragged breaths, his abdominal muscles visibly tensing and droplets of precome beginning to smear onto Alfred’s thumb.

He spent the next several minutes helping Arthur acclimatise to the feeling of being penetrated, he twisted and gently eased in further, using the ticker base of his finger to add extra pressure to the stretch.

But it was clear that Arthur wasn’t entirely sold on the whole sensation, his eyes sometimes squinting at their edges when Alfred changed his pace or angle, little grunts and catches of air trapped in the back of his throat as if he were trying to mask his discomfort. And it couldn’t be helped that Alfred didn’t really have that much experience in actual practice, with any previous men he’d been with having taken care of themselves beforehand, and the angle and feel being very different when doing it for someone else. If they’d had more time, Alfred might have just stuck to letting him come by stimulating his prostate alone - which, thankfully Arthur _did_ seem to like - but he needed to prepare him properly if they were going to progress any further.

“Arthur?” Alfred murmured as he removed both of his hands and set them on Arthur’s bent knees “I’m gonna try something, you can tell me to stop, but just don’t freak out okay?”

“Why?” Arthur questioned a little groggily, before Alfred pushed his legs open further and lowered himself onto his stomach. “What’re you-“

Arthur gasped as Alfred’s tongue made contact with his skin, any remaining words failing to enunciate properly as his body jolted and tensed. Alfred persisted, dragging the flat of his tongue over Arthur’s entrance as he stroked the soft inner thighs beneath his fingers.

This was another step that Alfred had never attempted before, though he’d seen his fair share of videos, and he relished in how intimate it felt. He tried inserting his tongue into the slightly loosened hole, his lips quirking into a smile whilst he worked when Arthur produced a breathy squeak that he was obviously trying to stifle with his hand. And Alfred had thought he’d heard every one of Arthur’s inflections, he’d listened to his verbal acrobatics for nearly seven years, yet he’d never heard his cadence quite like this before. It quickened his pulse as his erection throbbed against the mattress, thinking about all of the delicious new sounds he was surely going to uncover.

“I can’t believe you’re... this is so...” Arthur’s brain was obviously becoming frazzled if his slurred and broken speech was anything to go by, and Alfred would have laughed if he wasn’t already occupied, so instead he hummed his agreement at the craziness of the situation before unleashing his enthusiasm fully into the task.

His hands slid from Arthur’s thighs to cup his ass cheeks a little rougher than he’d meant to, distantly noting how smooth and nicely shaped they were as he pulled them apart to bury his nose deeper between. Arthur was back to making shocked sounds of pleasure, and so Alfred took the initiative to smoothly reinsert his finger alongside his tongue, searching around for that place he’d touched before.

“F-fuuckk!” Arthur stammered, his rear lifting off the bed and his legs clamping either side of Alfred’s ears.

“That’s good” Alfred all but growled, slipping his glasses onto the top of his head and pushing one of Arthur’s legs up and holding it in place with a hand at the back of his knee. “Talk to me.”

“Mmnn” Arthur whined in lieu of actual words, and when Alfred took a peek he saw that his face and ears were flushed bright pink, and he was panting as he stared up at the ceiling in a daze. He was looking forward to when he could watch his expressions more closely.

Alfred added a second finger and Arthur whimpered and thrashed around a little, obviously not entirely sure what to do with his limbs as he overloaded on the new sensation - his arms going from stretched out and scrabbling to wrapping around the pillows beneath his head and clutching at fistfuls of his own hair. But Alfred was only encouraged by every new reaction that he gave him.

He pulled back slightly, removing his tongue just to watch as slowly his own two fingers slid in and out of Arthur, the glide of the lube creating obscenely slick noises alongside their mutual heavy breathing. And it seemed that Arthur was becoming increasingly more at ease with being penetrated, even as Alfred began to subtly scissor him open, each stretch of progress rewarded with a crook of his fingers in the right direction.

The third drew even more gasps and whines, Arthur’s spine straightening out once again at the shock of the added intrusion.

“Does it hurt?” Alfred murmured as he brushed his cheek along Arthur’s thigh, unable to mask the low hum of arousal in his voice.

“A-a bit” Arthur admitted breathlessly, twitching as the digits inside him began to move again. “But, that place...”

“I’ve got it” Alfred smiled as he pressed a kiss to Arthur’s hip.

He sat up on his knees between Arthur’s legs, his fingers still working rhythmically as he used his other hand to flip his glasses back down onto his face from where they’d been perched on the top of his head. He wanted to see everything in perfect detail when he watched Arthur come.

The muscles tensed in Alfred’s bicep and strong tanned forearm as he pumped Arthur’s cock in time, the pace picking up with every subsequent shiver and moan. He concentrated on Arthur’s face, flushed pink and overwhelmed by this newly increased momentum, adjusting his technique every time he made Arthur gasp or blissfully crease his brow.

Alfred licked his lips, because Arthur just looked so perfect. He’d wanted to be let in on this most secret side of his best friend for years, and yet even now as he touched him so intimately this still felt like the best kind of waking dream.

“Ohhh” Arthur moaned, and Alfred tightened his grip, swiping his thumb across the head of Arthur’s cock. “Oh, I’m... I think I’m-“

“It’s okay” Alfred swallowed thickly, pressing in tightly against Arthur’s prostate.

And at that Arthur’s joints seemed to seize as he came with a choked, almost silent cry, his head thrown back into the pillows to expose his pale throat, his eyes wide but unfocused as his release splattered over himself and Alfred’s abating hand. It was the single most erotic thing that Alfred had ever witnessed, and he’d effectively made it happen.

Arthur lay there merely panting for several moments; Alfred kneeling between his spread legs and appreciating the view as he finally slid a hand around his own cock.

He bit his lip as he thrust into his fist still slick with lube and come, taking in the sight of Arthur flushed and dazed below him. It wasn’t going to take very long, he’d been hard for what felt like hours, and the current visuals and the lewd acts he’d done to his best friend had already brought him to the brink more than once. Alfred reached for Arthur’s lethargic hand, holding it in place over his own thumping heart as he furiously jerked himself off, his whole upper body vibrating with the effort and air punching out in sharp pants. He came with a throaty grunt, spilling heavily over Arthur’s pale stomach.

Alfred collapsed gracelessly onto his back next to Arthur, both absently staring at the textured ceiling as they caught their breath, erratic pulses gradually slowing.

”So. Didya like it?” and he had to ask, nervous but optimistic, his lips brushing lightly against Arthur’s shoulder with his eyes trained up towards his face.

“Are you... seriously?” Arthur returned in disbelief.

“What? That was your first time being, y’know... It’s not weird to ask that” he pouted “don’t make it weird.”

“Me make it weird!?” Arthur squawked, exerting effort to lift his head from the pillow and in doing so tipping his messy blond fringe back into his eyes. “You are now the definition, nay _personification_ of making things weird. This one is all on you Jones” he flopped back down against the bed.

“But you liked it right?”

“Yes” Arthur huffed stubbornly, turning his head to lock eyes with Alfred where he lay a little lower on the pillows.

And then he laughed, and Alfred felt the seismic effects of a small scale earthquake erupting in his chest. Arthur was just so pretty when he smiled.

“Awesome” Alfred chuckled too “because I’ve got some more tricks I wanna show you” and he pushed himself up to move over Arthur again. “That okay?” He questioned sincerely, even as he settled himself back down between Arthur’s legs, the result of their mutual climax smearing to coat their stomachs as their bodies were pressed together.

“Yeah, I’m okay” Arthur replied just as genuinely, though he seemed to be feeling a little self conscious again. Which wasn’t all that surprising, given how Alfred was gazing at him.

“I wanna kiss you” he confided, needy lips already making their way towards Arthur’s mouth from where they’d made contact below his jawline. “Let me touch you” he breathed as his hands began a searching caress against Arthur’s waist, massaging his hips and onto his thighs.

Alfred kissed him as if it would make Arthur understand, as if every graze of his lips or stroke of his tongue could possibly convey what this meant to him. His whole body thrummed with a searing kind of energy as he attempted to communicate his emotions. Even if Arthur didn’t feel the same way, he wanted him so desperately to know that he was loved.

But this time Arthur was properly joining in, and it seemed that maybe with simple kissing at least he knew where he stood. Perhaps it was the fact that they had both just come, but their kisses now seemed languid and relaxed, almost natural as if they did this all the time.

Alfred’s whole world had reduced down to a molten flow of limbs and soft skin and heated breath, Arthur’s scent and green eyes the only things keeping him coherent.

The grind of his hips was more than enough to signal that Alfred was hard, his hands blindly groping at the plumpest parts of Arthur’s spread legs and the backs of his knees, only pausing as long as was needed to roll on the condom.

”I’m gonna slide into you now” Alfred’s tone was low with wanting, his eyelids hooded as he moved up a fraction higher between Arthur’s soft inner thighs.

“Is this commentary even for me anymore, or are you just purely enjoying saying these things out loud?”

“A little bit of both?” Alfred smiled lopsidedly, their faces mere inches apart as he lined himself up.

Alfred felt the tip of his erection brush against Arthur’s entrance, and for a second those intense green eyes flitted down to glance between them, before they quickly looked back up and into newly focused blue.

“Ready?” Alfred whispered softly.

“Mhm” Arthur returned under his breath with the tiniest of anxious nods.

Alfred eased forward, and one of his hands skimmed down from where his fingertips had been caressing Arthur’s waist to eagerly assist with the alignment. The head of his length pressed into soft heat, and he felt the constricting ring of muscle give way before Alfred was finally inside.

He bowed his head against Arthur’s shoulder, his eyes falling closed as he felt each over-sensitive inch sinking slowly into hot tightness. And as he bottomed out he nuzzled at Arthur’s neck when he whimpered, taking a moment to collect himself before being able to look at his face.

“Arthur? Baby, are you okay?” Alfred panicked, noting the wetness at the corners of his eyes and his already swollen lip caught harshly between his teeth. “Artie?” Alfred questioned again, both hands coming up to soothe at the sides of Arthur’s face and stroke through his pale golden hair.

“W-wait” Arthur choked, grabbing on to Alfred’s arms to keep him still. “Wait” he whispered again.

“Shit. I’m sorry, we can stop-“ but Arthur was shaking his head, gripping him even tighter. “No?” Alfred interpreted worriedly “but I told you to say something if-“

“Big” Arthur gritted out, causing Alfred’s cock to throb inside him.

“Fuck” Alfred groaned, trying to keep his head from spinning. “That’s... shit, okay. But as soon as it gets too much you gotta tell me, you promised remember?”

“I can do it” Arthur protested, still a definite strain in his voice but at least his breathing had marginally evened out.

“You’re so stubborn” Alfred smiled sympathetically, deciding to trust him for now as he gently drew his hips back, savouring the slow drag that caused every last nerve in his body to ignite. He vowed to make Arthur feel as good as he felt in that moment, he was going to give him his best and show him what he could do.

Alfred carefully pushed back in, the slow pace almost tortuous for himself, but which saw Arthur’s jaw dropping open and his fingernails digging in where he still clutched at Alfred’s biceps.

“Ahh” Arthur whined, but he nodded stiffly when silently questioned, and it was so like Arthur to be this singlemindedly determined even over sex.

Alfred began to roll his hips, small motions at first, not pulling out very far before grinding home deep and slow. He could feel the excess lube being forced out from Arthur and painting glossy daubs against his own skin, every place where they touched feeling hot and sticky and so good.

This was really happening. He had Arthur in his bed, and he was moving inside him. It was so, so much better than he’d always imagined it could be, and in fact was already easily the best he’d ever had. Every noise that Arthur made was perfect, his usual crisp masculine tone turned breathless and higher pitched. Arthur was giving him his body, and all Alfred could do was to gratefully take it.

"you're doing so good sweetheart" he praised as he encouraged Arthur’s legs to bend more and wrap around his waist.

"Mmn- Alfred..."

"Oh fuck" Alfred gasped "do that again - say my name. Arthur, please. Say my name."

"A-alfred" he managed again, Alfred's hips stuttering before thrusting deeper, Arthur’s moans becoming louder.

"Unfff” he gritted his jaw, beads of sweat dripping down from his temple and sticking the ends of his hair to his heated skin. “Tell me - tell me I make you feel good" he panted, readjusting his angle to search for Arthur's prostate.

“There!” Arthur gasped, and Alfred felt the resultant flutter of muscle.

”Oh god, I’m sorry - I can’t go slow anymore. Fuck, you feel so good I can’t help it” his hips were speeding up of their own accord, exchanging his slow rolling motion for a deeper and faster thrust.

“I-it’s okay” Arthur stammered as his body was shunted rhythmically into the bed. “F-feels good.”

“Yeah?” Alfred questioned breathily, and the shaky little smile that Arthur answered him with almost made him come.

He was pounding rough and relentless, probably harder than he should’ve been given that this was Arthur’s first time, but his logical brain had long since relinquished its control to the animalistic desires of his powerful body. He needed to get closer, go deeper and as quickly as was possible. Even the nerve endings on the soles of his feet were on fire.

His balls were beginning to draw up as they slapped against Arthur’s ass, his own lower back starting to protest slightly as he rutted, the mattress almost continuously creaking as even the headboard banged heavily against the wall.

“You’re so good” Alfred growled.

Arthur’s moans were short and wordless, though loud and increasing in frequency as Alfred upped the tempo. He was shaking and tiny droplets of sweat were pooling at his collarbone, and Alfred might’ve licked the away if he could’ve done so without breaking his rhythm.

“I’m gonna make you come” Alfred chanted as he slipped one of his hands from where they’d been threaded into Arthur’s hair and curled it around his cock “I’m gonna make you come for me.”

He jerked Arthur in time with the fast pace of his thrusts, his thick cock plunging into him and driving against his prostate.  
Arthur’s voice became hoarse and almost soundless, and Alfred knew it was about to happen.

He made a point to watch Arthur’s face as his lips fell open and his eyebrows shot up to hide beneath his dampened fringe. Alfred could feel the desperate fingers clutching at his upper arms, the twitching of slender legs that squeezed against his sides. But all he could focus on was the blush that had bloomed across Arthur’s cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, the way that his pupils dilated as his orgasm rattled through him.

I love you, Alfred thought. He didn’t speak it, only pressed it to Arthur’s still gasping lips as he finally let himself go.

He could feel the aftershocks contracting Arthur’s walls, and a final surge of adrenaline flashed through him in a shiver as he held Arthur tight, his eyes screwing shut as the intoxicating pressure he’d been searching for built behind his temples.

“A-arthurrr...”

He held his breath as he pressed his jolting release as deep into his best friend as he could go, the air then rushing out of him with a sighing groan as he rolled his hips three or four more times through his completion, milking every last drop that he had. His body went limp, peaceful and serene with Arthur still panting laid out beneath him.

Alfred rolled off when he sensed that Arthur was starting to fidget, but he didn’t go very far, only turning his back to remove and dispose of the condom, before he was flopping back down onto the mattress, sated and happy and feeling a little bit dizzy.

He looked at Arthur from the corner of his eye and thanked his lucky stars, thanked God or whoever cared to listen. He’d never felt such a connection, or felt so exposed and honest with anyone before. And the fact that Arthur could’ve let himself be so completely vulnerable induced an ebbing swell of emotion in Alfred’s chest like sweet warm honey. He was so blessed to have met him, and to be able to count him as his best friend.

“Do you feel alright?” he questioned when Arthur caught him staring.

“I’m fine” he assured albeit drowsily “but thank you for asking.”

Arthur readjusted the pillow, fluffing it slightly and positioning it more fully beneath his head. He rolled his neck a little and let out a small husky yawn as he closed his tired eyes.

“So you’re gonna stay?” Alfred asked.

“Why, are you kicking me out?” he cracked open an eye to look at him with mock incredulity.

“No, no of course not” Alfred chuckled, turning onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow so he could grin down at Arthur, still riding his post climax high. “I’m glad. I want you to stay. It’s good that you want to.”

“God” Arthur muttered as he let his eyes fall closed again and exhaled a breath through his nose “you’re going to be insufferable in the morning aren’t you?”

“Yeah probably” he smiled.

“You’re going to _whistle_ ” Arthur accused further, his voice already starting to slur through his fatigue.

“Mhm” Alfred confirmed smugly as he fought against the urge to stroke his fingers through Arthur’s hair. “I’m gonna get up real early and cook us some breakfast. Maybe pancakes – or bacon and eggs, I dunno. But I like to whistle when I cook. When I’m happy.”

“That’s nice” Arthur murmured.

“Hey” Alfred asked softly, to which Arthur merely grunted to indicate that he’d heard him. “Is it okay if I, uh, get a bit closer?” he grazed the backs of his knuckles lightly down Arthur’s arm. “Turns out I get a bit clingy after making love.”

“S’fine” was his barely conscious reply.

Alfred shuffled in so that his chest was flush with Arthur’s shoulder, his fingers hesitating before gently drifting over his hip and up to lay his arm across his ribs, already rising and falling with the steady breaths of slumber. There were still some issues that probably needed to be discussed, although frankly Alfred was fine with letting things settle on their own. He’d never really been one for voluntarily talking things through.

He was glad that they’d done what they’d done, he wouldn’t exchange this experience for anything in the world. However, he couldn’t help but wonder to himself, as he peacefully began to doze off with Arthur in his arms, had this really cleared his enduring infatuation from his system, or had it only driven it deeper into his heart.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title for this one is taken from the Ben Lee track of the same name. If you like to indulge in pining-angsty feelings (and I absolutely do, especially when it comes to Alfred) then I totally recommend this song. The lyrics really fit in my opinion, and they're love-struck, desire laced and optimistic all at the same time, which I think has our Mr Jones written all over it. It's one of those tracks from back in the day that gets me in the chest, so was a good listen in order to remind me of that achey feeling. So seriously, tell me about it if you do look it up. 
> 
> Arthur's reactions, and somewhat easy acceptance of the situation he finds himself in here may seem unrealistic and pretty convenient for a fic like this. But he really does love Alfred, albeit perhaps not in exactly the same way. 
> 
> This has been in my wips folder for so very long, it’s almost a miracle that I ever even got it finished. However, I may have some follow up ideas for this story, so let me know if you think it’s worth me carrying on?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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